“I had nothing, but they gave me hope!”
04 Nov, 2019
I Had Nothing, But They Gave Me Hope. My name is Ellen. I am 20 years old and originally from Thailand. I came to the United States to study. During my time here, I met a man who seemed to be very nice. We dated for a few months, but I noticed that he was very controlling and did not want me to do anything without him. We had already slept together, and he knew that I was pregnant. He kept pushing me to have an abortion. I called my mom; she has a friend here in the states who offered to house me in exchange for me caring for her children. My mom did not know that I was pregnant. I was scared. I went online and looked for a clinic to confirm what I already knew was true. I made an appointment with Your Options Medical. The people were kind and they seemed to truly care about me and what I was dealing with. Hope started to grow in me that maybe I could have this baby. My counselor explained my options and I left thinking, “I am going to keep my baby.”
This worked out very well until I told my mom’s friend that I was pregnant. At first, she seemed to be okay with the idea, but when she saw that it might keep me from taking care of her children, she contacted my mom. Together, they came up with a different plan for me: I would have the baby and then send her to Thailand to be raised by my mom. I had major problems with this and I tried to talk to my mom, but she would not hear of it.
I called my advocate at Your Options Medical. Once again, she mentioned adoption and I liked the idea, especially if I would be the one to pick out the right family for my child. I wanted a family who would make sure the baby would be well cared for and loved. I began looking into adoption agencies.
In the meantime, things at home got really difficult. The woman that I lived with was looking for money to cover my room and board even though I continued to watch her children. She also wanted me to send my baby away. I visited several adoption agencies and found one they would pay for my room and board until I had the baby and would help with additional expenses.
After many months of planning, my little one was born healthy in spite of all that I had been through. If I did not get the help that I needed from Your Options Medical, my story probably would have ended differently. I had nothing, but they gave me hope. I stayed with my baby for two days in the hospital before signing on the dotted line for her to be adopted. It was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do, but my advocate said that it was the bravest thing that anyone has ever done. I know that I did the right thing for her.
Adoption Was My Life Saver. I was pregnant at 16, a sophomore in high school. My mom was raising me on her own, working as hard as she could to put food on the table. I had just ended an abusive relationship, filled with cheating and manipulation. I took the last $10 my mother had for the week to buy a pregnancy test. It was positive. I felt hopeless. How could I provide for this child? How could I give the baby a stable life with such an awful father? Would this baby keep me in the cycle of abuse? After I had processed this overwhelming truth in my life, I focused my energy on making sure the best decision was made for my baby.
A trustworthy mother-like friend from church asked me how I felt about adoption. I was open to talking to someone about it. She knew of a family who had been trying to conceive for years. I met with them a few months later. It felt right. They were warm and genuine. They did not look at me as most adults had been looking at me lately. We got to know each other and I knew they would be the family for this baby. I trusted them and we chose an open adoption plan.
Adoption is beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. When the baby was born, I spent two days with her in the hospital. I bonded with her and loved her to pieces. In Massachusetts at this time, a birth mother must wait 48 hours after being released from the hospital before they can sign adoption papers. Those 48 hours were the most trying hours of my life. My mind and body felt crippled as if I had just experienced death. I reminded myself of why I wanted the baby to be adopted. The life I wanted her to have. Even through the pain, there was hope.
Twelve years later and I would not change my decision. I am married, with a career that I love, and our first baby together on the way. I have a beautiful relationship with the baby’s adoptive mother. She gives me updates on the baby who has grown into a beautiful pre-teen. We get together when we can. I have not seen the baby since I left the hospital. I knew after we parted that I needed time to heal. If thinking about seeing her led to pain of having to let her go again, it was too soon. Now that I am fully healed, the plan is to wait. Wait until she is ready to meet me, when and if that day comes.
Adoption is not always perfect. Not all stories are as beautiful as mine. Nevertheless, it is worth being considered. Adoption has the ability to bring life and love to the baby, the birth mother, and the adoptive family. In my darkest time, adoption was my life saver.