Brenda: A Mother’s Heart of Gratitude
09 Apr, 2020
“I wanted to reach out to you and the organization to extend my deep gratitude. Let me explain the back story: My daughter who is 21 years old is pregnant, unplanned. From the time she told me, my husband and I along with her father offered her support in any way we could. At the time this looked like us telling her it is her body and her choice and hers alone and regardless of her choosing we would support her and be there for her. In the couple of weeks that followed she was unsure what decision she was going to make. She mentioned having an abortion. She had contacted many agencies and with each phone call became frustrated and in her words she would say, “Wow, people just suck”.
One morning, she approached me in the kitchen and told me she had called “this place” (Your Options). She told me that she made an appointment and had asked if I wanted to go with her. I obviously agreed to go, after all we are talking about being supportive right? She told me that the person who answered the phone was so “nice”. She also indicated that she wasn’t sure why she was going but, “I just feel like I need to, I know weird right”? (no, not weird because everything happens for a reason). I was glad that she finally interacted with someone who was kind to her. I was thankful for this small act of kindness from just a phone call she had made.
Upon arrival, neither of us knew what to expect. We were greeted and received a warm welcome to the clinic. In a short time my girl was called in for the intake. I anxiously and patiently waited in the waiting room. My girl texted me a few times and asked that I come in the back with her. I was then called to the room where she was. At this moment, she was having an ultrasound done. This is when it hit me, I watched in amazement. Still not showing any emotion either way because it was important to me that i did not influence my daughter’s choice based on my own values and beliefs. The nurse who was doing the ultrasound was patient, kind and explained every detail. She then reviewed all available options with us regarding choices, including abortion. Her heart was warm, and there was no judgement involved.
I am pro choice. That being said, what is good for me may not be good for others. Although I personally wouldn’t be able to have an abortion that is my own personal choice. I feel as though we all have the right to our own choices. I raised my children in the same way. I knew deep down in my heart and soul that my daughter emotionally would not be able to handle the long standing emotional consequences of having an abortion, but I still had to respect her autonomy and allow her to figure this one out. Hard was an understatement.
We then sat with an advocate (another angel in disguise maybe, I’m not sure). She was just as amazing as the woman who greeted us and the nurse who did the ultrasound. She was insightful, she immediately was able to capture and focus on my daughters strengths and positive qualities without even knowing her. This conversation was memorable, I cried, my daughter cried and perhaps even this kind soul cried. I wasn’t really sure.
Upon conclusion of this appointment, my daughter at this time was not willing to make another appointment. She was still “on the fence”. She still did not know the right choice to make. I offered her support and we went home.
In the week that followed, she was going through some turmoil with her boyfriend and him accepting that she was pregnant. One day, I finally could not take it any more and I just directly asked her while she was on the phone with a friend, “So, are we having a flipping baby or not”? She smiled and said, “Yes, were having a baby”. I cried. I was so relieved. The next day her and I made all the calls, established all the necessary prenatal care and implemented a plan.
Amongst the chaos and realizing the life adjustments that were coming our way, I felt obligated and moved to contact Your Options to extend my heartfelt gratitude. Being young and pregnant many girls are unsure what to do, where to go for options, advice, help or counsel regarding an unplanned pregnancy. Most are in this on their own, they don’t have their mothers, fathers or partner supporting them through this “crisis”. They are vulnerable and scared. In all the agencies my daughter called they did not take these emotions into consideration and were cold and mean. That is not helpful to anyone, these girls ultimately end up feeling alone with guilt and shame.
I needed to let everyone know at the clinic how thankful I am for the kindness, the care, the information and how everyone there treated my girl. I truly believe that the interaction my daughter had with every single person that was there at the clinic that day made all the difference. I will forever be grateful for how you all treated her! I cry just thinking about it, and I am not an emotional person by nature so this says a lot. I’m not sure words can ever truly capture or express this gratitude I feel. Please pass this letter on to all involved so they know they touched more lives than they ever thought possible and what they do matters.
Life going forward will be filled with challenges, obstacles and life lessons. I know it will not always be an easy road and so does my daughter. However, like I have always told my children; “Nothing in this life worth having is easy, everything that is worth having and holding takes effort, lots of hard work, determination and passion”. We will face our days with hope and promise, even when things are tough. We got this, we’re having a baby!”